A Visit to the Home for Rare and Retired Words

A Visit to the Home for Rare and Retired Words

by Michael Swarms on Saturday, April 9, 2011 at 1:42am

To: The Office of Ombudsmen

Dear Sir,

Pursuant to your directive regarding the inspection of elderly care facilities in this area, I am submitting the following report:

Facility: The Bower Home for Rare and Retired Words

As Ombudsman for this region, I Visited with the residents of the above named Facility. The following report addresses the residents, leaving facility condition and maintenance to the auspices of the Bureau of Elderly Services. As with all reports, first names only are mentioned and titles are omitted to protect the privacy of the residents.

Upon arrival I found Loath sitting on the porch, I attempted to initiate a conversation, but found her entirely unwilling. Gongoozler was nearby, and appeared to observe me closely, but also would not engage in conversation. Several residents were out on the lawn; I spoke briefly with Tomnoddy, but was unable to get an intelligible response. Wellnigh almost approached me, but then, did call out from across the lawn to tell me of her late brother Tarry’s passing.

Once inside, I observed that Tenterhooks was quite stressed by Widershins, who was completely turned around and displaying the opposite of his normal, easy disposition. Codger was enjoying a cup of tea and a visit with his favorite couple, Gaffer and Gammer; they are all looking very old. Fetching and Comely, who are both very lovely, still exuded the charms of their youth.

Discommode was proving to be of great annoyance to Donnybrook, who was ready to come to blows. Galluses seemed to be holding up well, as was Hale, who moved briskly down the corridor to lend a hand to Succor, who was trying to help Halt get to his room, as he no longer walks very well. Wan appeared peaked, and Sallow might have a touch of jaundice. Slubberdegullion was in desperate need of a bath, I did offer him some tissue to address his drooling problem. Mulligrubs is still battling with depression; Trove was digging into his treasury of humor in an attempt to cheer him up. Unfortunately, like his friend Agelast, he wasn’t laughing; Abderain on the other hand, couldn’t stop.

 Bade called me into the cafeteria because Awry and Askance were convinced, as was Amiss, that there was something suspicious going on at the next table. When I inquired, I was told that Provender was in the kitchen and dinner was always late when she helped out. They explained that they were all close to Famished (indeed they were, she was seated at the head of the table and looked very hungry), and that Purloined had suggested that someone slip into the kitchen and sneak out some food. Aghast was shocked by the thought of such an act, and Shan’t refused to take part, but in fact, Farctate had done so already and said he couldn’t eat another bite. Finally, Nowise said he absolutely forbade them from doing any such thing. Unsated complained bitterly until Apace came hurrying with their food.

Repair retired to the salon and I followed. A large group was gathered there. I asked Abide how he was doing; he replied “well, I’m living, and at my age that’s a lot”. Hither, Thither, and Yon had made the rounds of the room; and were now making conversation with Thee and Thou. Whencesoever appeared from somewhere just as Whithersoever was departing; Whichsoever just sort of melded anonymously into the crowd. I smiled when Thrice waved at me (We had already spoken two times), Having also visited with Afore earlier, I merely gave him a nod. Peradventure asked me if mine was a chance visit. When I explained that it was official, but that I was enjoying myself, Howbeit told me that I was welcome in any event. I did spot Yonside on the far wall, and Betwixt was somewhere in the middle of the group, but regrettably, I did not get to visit with them, as my time was up.

In Conclusion, I should state that all was pretty much as you might expect, given the individual dispositions of the residents. Their greatest need seems to be for more word lovers to give them a little attention; they don't get out as often as they should.